Friday, May 6, 2011

Getting Past a Bad Audition

Here's a post I ran a month ago on my other (mom) blog.  It didn't really belong there but fits perfectly here.  Enjoy...

I blew an audition today. Which shouldn’t have been that big of a deal because I haven’t in a very, very long time. As a matter of fact, I mistakenly thought that I was actually immune to blowing it at this point. HA! Well, life has a way of knocking you off your high horse when you least expect it and least want it.

Today I finally got the opportunity to audition for a small role in a network pilot that’s filming in Dallas. I was so excited. I’ve been trying to get in front of this casting director forever and the part felt perfect for me. I prepared and prepared and prepared until it felt rock solid. I was SO ready for this…
When I arrived at the casting office, I saw the “competition” and felt my mouth start to get really dry. I brushed it off and went off to a corner to rehearse. The lines came easily, I felt confident. Before long it was my turn to go in. I walked into the room and flashed a big smile. The cameraman commented that he liked it when actors entered with a smile on their face. That’s was about the only good thing that happened in the room from then on. The camera started rolling and the casting director immediately started reading with me. I completely drew a blank. I didn’t recognize her cue line! So we cut and started over. My second read wasn’t much better, I blew some lines completely. So we tried one more time. Third take, I got all of my lines out and managed to do something nice with the end of it but the beginning and middle were pretty much crap. All that preparation? Out the window.

Wow. I’ve never cried walking out of an audition in my life but big tears welled up in my eyes as I walked to my car. I wanted to rail on myself but something inside me wouldn’t allow that to happen. I just felt extreme disappointment, that’s all. Which is a HUGE step for me. I used to beat myself up mercilessly every time I would blow auditions in the past, especially something of this magnitude. But not this time. I dried my tears, prayed and thanked God for the opportunity (and said an extra prayer that the casting director won’t blackball me) and then I just let it go.

I’m still slightly disappointed but in the whole scheme of life, it was one audition. Yes, it was my most important to date but there will be more. I will continue to get better and I won’t allow myself to fall into some false sense of security that nerves will never take over an audition again. It happens even to the most seasoned performer. We are all human. What it taught me is that when you walk out of the audition room, there’s no need to rehash it, it’s over. I did what I could do at that moment in time and all of the self-flagellation in the world won’t change anything. I’m in a really good place mentally and that feels just about as good as anything…except maybe booking a role as a series regular.


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